i came in on the wings of a blackbird
a sister singing lullaby
then vanishing off the bridge
she must’ve flown for a moment
and flies higher now and forever more amen
but the flying became a fear
a risk
a term i don’t like to use lightly
manic
pressured speech
lack of sleep
interrupting
agitated
creative outpouring doubled or tripled

oh no

rest assured this is different
the sun no longer beckons me
it is the moon and the stars and the heart beating inside me
how it listens and sounds for your heart
even when you are infinite miles away
our blood rushes in waves and particles
faster than the speed of light

many think the transmission is one-way
but i celebrate a message from my mom
she is happy to see me happy
to see my kids both with me this christmas
her favorite time of year
she won’t be making gravy with obsessive anxiety
or asking “who will carve the bird”
but her heart is still reaching for each of her little birds
plumping our feathers
giving new sparkles to the tree
and singing along to the carols she loved

in her final two years, as her light was in decline
she’s say
“can we drive by the lights”
we drove
she cooed
and then “let’s go home, that’s enough”

there is no home anymore for her
except here
in the fibers blood and bone of me
sons and their mothers
sons and lovers
sons
having sons

and so it goes

*i am here* < index page

© 2023 – a walt whitman ai poem by human john mcelhenney